No Phone Zone
Spotlight On
by Clark Westfield
February 2013
Can you hear me now? YES, I can hear you and so can half the population of New Jersey! The inescapable chatter of everyday conversations across the state has reached critical mass, a cacophony of voices that seem to get louder when a cell phone is involved, in the same way commercials always seem to be a bit louder when you’re watching TV. You with me on that? One second you’re listening to the velvet-toned actresses on “Revenge” and the next you’re blown out of your chair so someone can hawk Bud Lite. OK, you have my attention. Now I will NEVER buy your product! But I digress…
Here is a listing of places that would be better served in silence: restaurants, churches, funerals, movie theatres, comedy clubs, bathroom stalls, bus stations, elementary school recitals, hospital waiting rooms (for that matter, any waiting rooms), the gym, the hairdresser, the beach, the ballpark, the airport shuttle, the park, the golf course, and any place that honors Christian Mingle.com. I can honestly say that I now know more about total strangers than I do about my entire immediate family. And I don’t eavesdrop. I am not actively trying to pry into anyone’s personal lives. The conversations are just so out there, so in your face, that you cannot escape them. Lord knows I have tried. In a coffee shop in Sayreville, I learned intimate details of Aunt Helen’s gall bladder surgery. On a NJ Transit train, somewhere in or near Belmar, I heard that Gina broke up with Tommy because that slut Maria brought him leftover eggplant parmigiana at three in the morning. Last summer at a Blue Claws baseball game I had the honor of being thrust into the financial woes of George and Linda, who missed 2 mortgage payments and were forced to sell the Lexus. Hey people, you know what? I don’t care!!!! I have my own troubles and drama, and I prefer not to share it all with you, tempting as it may be.
As of this writing, there are no real laws on the books concerning cell phone usage in public areas. It is generally a matter of common courtesy. This of course, does not take into account the ban on calling while driving. Risking life and limb, not to mention a moving vehicle citation, I still see people jabbering away as they cruise the fast lane on the GSP. They may get ticketed but at least I can’t hear them.
I’m not alone either. I have seen complete strangers duke it out over the invasion of personal space, at times cordial and polite, other times, I thought they were going to take the phone away from the perpetrator and chuck it into a sewer. The latest developments have me a little worried. There is talk (isn’t there always) about allowing cell phone usage on airplanes. That’s all I need, creating a scene in a pressurized cabin at 37,000 feet. I don’t even like it when the pilot talks!
It will eventually come to the point where I no longer wear my noise-cancelling headphones only while flying. I will be forced to wear them all the time. Blame information overload. So listen up Father Bob, in church this Sunday, if I don’t properly respond to the prayers in a timely manner, it’s because I won’t be able to hear you!
But don’t fret. You can always text me. That’ll open up a whole new can of worms.
More to come…CW