First Baby
Spotlight On
by Clark Westfield
January 2012
As a summer baby and father of three more summer babies, I had no idea of the
hoopla that surrounds being the first baby born in New Jersey on January 1st. While
most people art out celebrating the turning of another page in their lives with
champagne, dancing and midnight kisses, there are countless others who are sitting
in maternity wards in hospitals all over the state, vying for the opportunity to be
Number One. These people are serious. There are those who actually time
conception with the mathematical skills of an economics professor to precisely
pinpoint the birth of their child to coincide with the drop of the crystal ball in Times
Square. Now if they actually had a crystal ball, they might have a better chance of
timing this miracle. Caesarian sections aside, natural childbirth is as unpredictable as
Mark Sanchez’s passes. A week early, two days late, due dates can vary due to any
number of reasons. Plus, for the record, I think C-sections are technically cheating.
To quote Dr. Karen Deighan, a prominent director of OB/GYN at Loyola University
Hospital in Chicago, “The race to have the first baby is something all hospitals share
enthusiasm for…and unfortunately, not all hospitals play fair.” Here are the rules all
hospitals must abide by…
Time is of the Essence – It is the circulating nurse who makes the official call on time
of delivery. There is no uniform clock on the wall to use as a reference. And labor
can last for hours and hours. I remember our first daughter being born with the
delivery taking place in less than 30 minutes. I half expected a Domino’s Pizza to
accompany the baby.
Defining What Constitutes “Born” – “The time of birth is always called when the baby
is completely outside of the mother,” Dr. Deighan said. “It is not when the cord is cut
or when the head crowns.” Neither does daddy’s tax exemption calculations come
into play.
Proof Positive – Document it, record it, tweet it, get it up on You Tube.
Personally, I think this competition should be covered by ESPN, as a sporting event.
There should be commentators in every hospital. Nurses could dress up like
cheerleaders and graphics could be displayed on screen with statistical analysis of
both parents. There could be a countdown clock in every delivery room with a play
by play visual and after the birth…instant replay. Other families would be allowed to
throw a red challenge flag if the timing of the birth was questionable. And there
should be coaches. Every family would be allowed a coach who would stand on the
“sideline” and shout “plays” like “Breathe,” “Push,” and in the case of twins, “Go for
2.” The night could be structured like the playoffs with several hospitals vying for
that top seed. Babies could go head to head in a fierce competition to be first baby.
And there should be awards; not just a lifetime supply of diapers, a shout out in the
local paper or 30 seconds on CBS news the next morning, but real awards like a
Diamond Pacifier, a DNA test involving Justin Bieber and a Reality Show. (Oh wait,
there’s already “Toddlers and Tiaras.” I don’t think we can handle another one of
those…).
As of this writing, we have no idea who the first baby of 2012 was. I sincerely hope
that he or she will go on to have a long, happy and successful life. And if by chance
there are any future parents out there who are reading this article, it’s not too late to
prepare for next year. So around March 31st, organize your playbook, recruit well
and for God’s sake, please have better timing than the Jet’s offense. And BTW,
excessive celebrating is allowed.
More to Come…CW